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  He shook his head, his mouth full of beans.

  "Me neither." Her lips curled down. "I wish they would at least tell us something. I hate waiting. It seems like that's all we do anymore."

  Chad swallowed. "It's not their fault. The tests are being done in Seattle. Maybe even being sent out? The whole thing is confusing, and I can't keep it straight."

  "It has to be her."

  He nearly choked on broccoli. "What?"

  "She's been missing for almost four months, Chad. There haven't been any new clues since, what, December?"

  "So you think Macy's dead?"

  Tears filled her eyes. "What else am I supposed to think?"

  "That she's alive! We can't give up on her." He set his plate down on the coffee table a little too hard.

  "What does it matter? We can't do anything about it. Whether she's alive or dead, she's not with us. I, for one, need to mourn. Living in limbo is killing me."

  "Then we need to get out and form another search party. If we start one, there are plenty of people who will join us. I can print off more fliers."

  "It's not going to do anything. Everyone around here already knows that she's missing. Her pictures have been plastered everywhere for months. I need closure."

  "Closure? Are you serious?"

  Alyssa narrowed her eyes. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

  "You can move on with your life without having closure. You don't need to believe that our daughter is dead. Get back to going to the gym—not that you need to, you look great. Join the book club again. You used to really enjoy that. But don't give up on Macy. Please."

  Alyssa's eyes shone with tears. "We have to face reality, Chad. With every day that goes by, and there have been a lot of days, the chances go down of her coming home safely."

  Chad took a deep breath. He needed to tread carefully or they would find themselves arguing again, like they had before Macy disappeared. The last thing he wanted was to lose what they'd gained.

  He put his arm around Alyssa. "Whatever you do, I'm behind you."

  "But you think I'm an idiot for thinking she's dead. I can see it in your eyes. You're living in a Pollyanna world, believing that everything will end up working out. How can it? One baby is gone and the other is going have a baby of his own."

  Counting to ten silently, Chad took deep breaths. He spoke slowly. "I like to believe that I'm living in a place of reality, but we can agree to disagree on that. As far as the baby, we don't even know if Zoey is going to keep it."

  "Seriously? She's going to make up her mind after holding the baby. There's no way she's going to give up her baby after holding it. She's going to fall in love immediately. That's how it works."

  "Or she could take one look at the little face and realize she's not ready for the responsibility. She could love the baby enough to make the right decision to give it to a family who desperately wants one."

  Alyssa shook her head. "You really do live in a fantasy world."

  "Look, I'm trying my best to be patient, but if you keep saying things like that, I can't give you any guarantees. Let's agree to disagree. If we have to, we'll avoid the topic."

  "Agree to disagree? We're not talking about wallpaper, Chad. These discussions can't be avoided."

  Chad took another slow, deliberate breath. "All I'm saying is that we love each other. The world is falling apart around us and we need to stick together. Macy isn't here, and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. We've done everything we can, and now we just have to live with her absence. Our thirteen year old is going to make us grandparents and we can't change that, either. But we can hold onto each other."

  She blinked and tears fell onto her face. "I wish I could believe that."

  "What do you mean?"

  "It's not that easy. Love isn't enough."

  "I never said it would be easy. I said we need to stick together. For each other and our kids—regardless of how things end up." Chad begged her with his eyes. He needed her to keep hoping.

  Alyssa took his hand. "I do love you. You and Alex are all I have."

  "And Macy."

  "Not any more." More tears fell.

  Chad wanted to convince her that Macy was out there—that she needed them to not give up—but he knew it wouldn't get them anywhere. How could she give up? He scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her.

  They sat in silence.

  How would Chad get through this if she gave up?

  After a while, he asked, "What's going on with Zoey?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I asked her about her parents, and she got really upset."

  "Don't you pay attention? She's hurt because her dad has never had any interest in being in her life. Now that she's pregnant and his career is over, he wants to be involved. Not only is it a slap in the face, but she has all those extra hormones to deal with. It's a double whammy. Teenage hormones and pregnancy. I can't imagine dealing with both at the same time."

  "Oh, that explains it." He would never understand female hormones, but from what he had seen, they were very real. He remembered with Alyssa's pregnancies, he had to tread lightly. He would have to do double duty with Zoey.

  Chad looked at his empty plate.

  "Do you want me to make you something to eat and bring it up?"

  "No. I can't eat. We need to start looking into funeral arrangements."

  The room shrunk around him. "What?"

  "She deserves a memorial service."

  "Macy hasn't been pronounced dead. Can't you at least wait for that before you jump the gun?"

  "You think I'm acting rash?"

  "We haven't even gotten the DNA results back. We have no reason to believe the body is Macy. You can't do this. If she is alive somewhere, you'll just send her the message that we've given up."

  "How can I get through to you, Chad? I need closure. I have to be able to say goodbye and move on with my life so I can focus on Alex. That poor kid needs us, and he's dealing with her loss, too. It's not fair. He deserves to have me taking care of him properly."

  "He's actually doing pretty well if you hadn't noticed. His grades are higher than they've ever been. The teacher in charge of the online school says he may actually get through the eighth grade stuff before school gets out for the summer. He's not only caught up, but will probably get ahead."

  Alyssa folded her arms. "He still needs me to be there for him fully. Not like I've been."

  "You can do that without giving Macy a funeral, Lyss. We can act like a family again while still waiting for her to return."

  "No, actually I can't. I'm not waiting for the mail, Chad. This is our daughter. I can't wait for her and continue on with my life. All I can think about is how she should be with us, but she's not."

  They stared each other down. It was obvious that neither one was going to back down.

  Arguing

  Chad closed his laptop, his eyes heavy from responding to over a hundred comments. It had to be past midnight, but he didn't care to check the time. His stomach growled because he hadn't eaten since lunch. He didn't want to after that disagreement with Alyssa. How could she be so eager to plan Macy's funeral?

  It didn't make sense to him, and he wasn't going to allow it. Macy wasn't dead, and he wasn't going let her have a funeral unless she was.

  Why was Alyssa being so emotional—jumping to conclusions like this? She needed to keep a calm head. They all did. It was the only way they would make it through the ordeal until Macy did return.

  Chad made his way up the stairs. The doors to both Macy's and Alex's rooms were closed with no light coming from underneath. Hopefully that meant Zoey and Alex were both sleeping in separate rooms, with Zoey staying in Macy's. Not that it mattered at that point where they slept.

  The light was on in his and Alyssa's room, not that it surprised him. Alyssa was still sleeping at odd times. Sometimes she was too upset to sleep, other times, not being able to stay awake when she wanted to.

  Chad st
opped cold when he walked in. She had suitcases on their bed—his suitcases.

  He steadied his voice. "What's going on, Lyss?"

  "You need to move out for a little while."

  "Excuse me?"

  "We can't keep going on like this anymore."

  "Like what?" he demanded.

  "My point exactly."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "You don't get it."

  Anger ran through him. "There's nothing to get, Alyssa. Our daughter is missing and we don't agree on where she's at."

  "Exactly. That's a major obstacle, and not one I'm willing to live with."

  "So, basically you're going to threaten me with moving out if I don't agree with you? Nice. Really nice."

  She narrowed her eyes. "It's not about choosing sides. It's about facing reality—and you refuse to do that. You're going to hang onto this forever. I can see it, twenty years from now, me begging to give our little girl a funeral and you putting your foot down, saying no, she's going to come back. Just wait. It's the beginning of March, Chad. I've done nothing but wait since the middle of November. When those test results finally come, you'll see who's right."

  "Then wait for them to come in. Want me to call Fleshman right now? I can, and I'll probably wake him. You know what he'll tell us? He doesn't know. Don't you think if that body was Macy's, someone would be able to figure it out by now?"

  "I bet if they would have let us look at it, we could have told them months ago," Alyssa said. "We could have moved on a long time ago."

  "They don't want us dealing with the emotional trauma if it is her. The body is so messed up they couldn't identify her face or any markings."

  "Yeah, and it has enough similarities to give reasonable doubt. Similar height, weight, and hair color. For whatever reason, they can't get those test results right. Why is that?" She stared him down.

  "I don't know, but you need to put my clothes back on the hangers. I don't want them getting wrinkled."

  "Hang them yourself when you get wherever you're going." Alyssa narrowed her eyes.

  Chad went over to the bed and dumped out the closest luggage and then tossed the suitcase on the floor. "I'm not going anywhere."

  "You're not staying here."

  "Look. If you need space, that's fine. I'll sleep in the bonus room or even down in my office, but you're not kicking me out of my house. I've done nothing wrong."

  "Not good enough." Alyssa folded her arms.

  "You're right. I should have a bed. I'll take Macy's, because that's probably empty."

  Alyssa glared at him. "I made sure they went to bed in the proper rooms."

  "And I'm sure they stayed there, too," Chad said sarcastically. He dumped out the other suitcase. "Put those back on their hangers or I'm sending them all to the dry cleaner to get pressed. I'm not going to wear wrinkled clothes."

  "Then don't dump them on the bed. I had them all nicely folded."

  "Put them in the closet, then."

  "Chad, I'm done arguing about your clothes. In fact, I'm done arguing, period."

  "Good. Put my stuff away while I get ready for bed. You're going to have to deal with me snoring next to you, because I'm not going anywhere."

  "Yes, you are."

  He stepped closer to her. "I'm not going anywhere. I was willing to sleep in a different room, but now I'm not."

  "You have to. I'm kicking you out."

  Chad laughed bitterly. "Really? Out of my own house? The house that I paid for? Tell me, how are you going to pay for everything? Not just the house payment, but the utilities. Everything costs money, and you don't make anything. Not that you couldn't. You could make more than I could. But you don't. You like being a domestic engineer and I'm happy to provide that for you. But not if you try kicking me out of the house I've worked so hard for."

  Her lips formed a straight line and her face reddened. "Have you heard of child support and alimony?"

  "Don't threaten it unless you mean it. Do you hear me? Don't even go there unless you're prepared. And just to let you know, the state of Washington doesn't do alimony. You could get child support, but not spousal. And believe me, since I'm the one with the money, I could afford a much better attorney than you. Like I said, don't go there unless you're serious."

  She looked shaken. Good. How dare she throw this at him? Attempting to kick him out and then throw divorce at him. What had gotten into her?

  "How do you know so much about that?" she asked.

  "I haven't looked into it, if that's what you're implying. Half the people we know are split. Men gossip in the office too, you know. So, have you changed your mind?"

  "You won't go?" she asked.

  "I think I've made myself clear. If you need to get away from me, take some time and visit your parents. I'll even pay for a first class plane ticket. Even when you're threatening me with divorce and alimony."

  "You think going to my parents' house is going to help?"

  Maybe they could talk some sense into her. "It would get you away from me, and since you obviously don't want to be anywhere near me it might help."

  "Chad, this isn't a joke."

  "I'm not kidding around, Lyss."

  "Well, if we're going to make this work, we have to get on the same page," she said.

  "Then we either have to agree to disagree or you're going to have to agree to wait for actual proof before planning a memorial service. And let me tell you something. Even if you leave me and keep planning it, I'm going to fight you every step of the way. No one should have a funeral unless they're actually dead. I won't let that happen to Macy."

  She stepped closer to him. "And when someone is dead, they deserve a memorial."

  "We have no proof. Wait until the results come in. Then we'll know who's right and what to do."

  "Or we'll just find out that particular girl isn't her. Then we'll be back to knowing nothing. We may never find a body. Then what?"

  "Why are you doing this? How can you give up?"

  "Give up? You think I'm giving up?"

  "What else would you call it?"

  "You're impossible. Really, you won't just leave?"

  "I'm not going anywhere."

  "Only me."

  "Only you what?"

  "Anyone else kicks their husband out and they go. Not me."

  "You know what I think? I think a good night's rest is in order. It's late and we're tired. Let's talk about this in the morning."

  "If you won't go, then I will."

  "Where are you going? Flights are much more expensive when you purchase them at the airport."

  Alyssa's face flushed red. "My parents aren't the only people I know. Do you think I'm that much of a loser?"

  "Of course not. Are you going to stay at a friend's house? How long?"

  "I'm not your child! I don't have to tell you what I'm doing. In fact, I don't have to tell you anything."

  Sadness ran through Chad, replacing the anger. "Are you sure you want to go, Lyss? Really, I'll sleep in another room and we can talk about this again in the morning. Or we can talk tomorrow night. I'll give you all the space you need."

  She gave him an exasperated look. "You really don't get it."

  "Clearly."

  They stared at each other. Chad tried to express with his eyes where his mouth had failed. They needed each other more than ever. Separating, even for a short time, wasn't going to make anything better.

  Finally he said, "I hope you won't go."

  "Since you won't, you leave me no choice."

  "Please, Alyssa. Think about all the tough times we've gone through. Being together is what helped us. We need each other now more than ever. You say you want to be here for Alex—do you really think that taking off is going to help him? His sister is missing and—"

  "You don't need to explain what's going on in my son's life. He's old enough and smart enough to know this isn't about him."

  "Let me brush my teeth and then you can have the bedroom." Chad let
out a slow breath as he walked to their bathroom. Tears were threatening, but he had to hold it together. What had gotten into her? Was it the grief talking? Did she have her own hormonal issues? She was too young for the female life change, wasn't she?

  He took his time brushing and going to the bathroom, hoping that a strike of brilliance would hit him. That way when he came out of the bathroom, he could say the right thing and she would change her mind so they could fall asleep in each other's arms.

  By the time he was done, he had no such strike of luck. He looked around the empty bedroom. Had she gone to check on the kids? He went down the hall, finding it empty. He went through the rest of the house, still not finding her.

  Heart sinking, he looked outside to where her car had been for the last couple of days.

  It wasn't there. Knowing it wouldn't be in the garage, he looked anyway. His car sat there, looking lonely and dejected.

  Or was that Chad?

  Sorrows

  Alyssa pulled into the same parking spot she had the last time she was at the bar. Drinking hadn't solved any problems then, but at least she had been able to forget her troubles for a little while. She looked around the parking lot, relieved to see Rusty's tow truck missing.

  The last thing she needed was a lecture from him again. She wasn't going to drink and drive, so there was nothing to feel guilty about. She had packed a pillow and blankets so she would sleep in the back of her car. If Rusty did show up, insisting to tow her again, this time she had cash to pay him and for the hotel he would drop her off at.

  She fixed her hat, making sure it covered her eyes. Her family was practically at celebrity status between being on the news for Macy's disappearance and Chad's blog. Over the last month, he had had them making videos and uploading them to the blog since the news hadn't been talking about the case as much.

  Her face was everywhere and the last thing she wanted was to be recognized. She only wanted to drink as many fishbowls of alcohol as she could without passing out. Not that losing consciousness sounded so bad. Anything to take her away from her life and the constant reminders of what a failure she was. One kid missing and the other ready to become a parent. They would certainly skip over her when handing out the Mother of Year award.