When Tomorrow Starts Without me Page 21

  "No! She might have more pictures of me. What if they're worse than this one? I'm not risking it. Let her have this moment, okay? If I do anything, I'm only going to make it worse for me. Probably Rogan too. I can't do that."

  They both agree but look pretty disappointed.

  "Swim?" Sutton asks.

  My body aches. The last thing I want to do is move. "How about a movie?"

  Poppy grabs her handbag. "Sure. I'm suddenly in the mood for Mean Girls."

  I'm not sure I am, but I agree. It's doubtful I'll be able to stay awake long, anyway.

  Once in the home theater, I wrap a thick, soft blanket around me and have a seat in the front row. Poppy sits next to me and plays with one of the remotes.

  Sutton comes in. "Miss Alice is making popcorn and flavored sodas. Oh, she said Rogan and Ashton went to hold auditions for new band members. They send you two kisses."

  I pull the blanket tighter around me. "I hope they're able to get better guys than Lathe and Ellis."

  Poppy snorts. "That won't be hard. Besides, I recognize some of the names. There's this one chick who plays guitar—she's crazy good. If she works out, the new band will be even better than before."

  "Does she sing?" Sutton kicks her feet up on a stool.

  Poppy shrugs and shakes the remote. "Not sure. How do you get to the movies with this thing?"

  Sutton reaches over me and grabs it. With just a few clicks, the movie begins.

  Less than a minute later, Miss Alice arrives with a huge tray of popcorn and watermelon-flavored pop.

  It's almost enough to distract me. My mind wanders as I watch and eat, but Poppy and Sutton keep pulling me back in as they say their favorite movie quotes along with the actors. I jump in, but it's only half-hearted, even though I manage to fake some laughter.

  I must've fallen asleep at some point, because I open my eyes to find my head resting on Rogan's shoulder. Ashton is on the other side of Poppy, and some new guy is sitting next to Sutton.

  "What's going on?" I rub my eyes.

  Rogan puts his arm around me. "They're trying to find a treasure that's said to be buried in the Sahara by a—"

  "No, I mean with the band."

  He kisses my temple. "We've got three new members, and two who are willing to be backups in case someone is sick or turns out to not be a good fit. Now we just need a name."

  "Wow, five people?"

  Poppy leans over. "And they got that guitarist I told you about. Wait til you hear her."

  I squeeze Rogan's hand. "I'm so happy for you."

  "It's a start. We still have to work to find our groove together. I'm going to have to practice a lot."

  I hate that I'll see him less, but I can't complain.

  Ashton glares at us. "Would you guys be quiet? I haven't seen this one."

  "Yeah, sorry." Rogan leans his head against mine.

  I'm glad things are beginning to turn around.

  Rogan

  I can barely keep my eyes open as I strum the guitar, singing. As much as I want to practice all night, I just can't.

  My eyelids try to close as I put the guitar away and head upstairs. Once under the covers, I get online to see if all the buzz about Kenna's picture has died down yet.

  Before I can check, something else catches my attention. A local news story is trending.

  I have to read the headline three times before I finally comprehend it.

  Someone who used to live in our small town committed suicide. Nothing exciting ever happens here, so everyone's posting about it.

  Only it's not just someone.

  It's Kenna's mom.

  My hands shake so that I can't click to read the official news story.

  What is this going to do to Kenna? The day after we visit her mom, she hangs herself.

  There's no way it's coincidence.

  Bile rises from my throat into my mouth.

  Is there any way I can keep the news from Kenna? Convince her to stay off her phone until people stop talking about the suicide?

  But I can't hide this from her. I just can't. Not something with the enormity of this. It wouldn't be right.

  I pick up a baseball from the ground and aim it at the wall.

  No. I can't throw it. That won't solve anything. It'll just give me more problems after Mom finds out about the hole in the wall.

  I take a few deep breaths and click to read the article. Maybe there's something in it that'll prove it had nothing to do with our visit.

  Yeah, right.

  The news site says that Caroline didn't show up for work this afternoon, which was unlike her. Her boss and coworkers called and texted her for hours. Then when somebody's shift was over, she went over and banged on the door, getting no response. She finally gave up and left, and on the way to her car, she noticed Caroline's car was there. She called the police, who then found Kenna's mom hanging in her bedroom.

  She'd left a note in her pocket. It simply read, It's all a lie. Friends say it's definitely her handwriting, and nobody has any idea what the lie may be. Police are investigating.

  I click around, reading every post about the story. They all say the same thing.

  I'm left with one huge question—does the note actually say more than they're letting on? I've seen enough movies to know that cops don't reveal everything to the press. They keep certain details secret to weed out real leads from fake ones.

  Will they tell us if we admit to being there the day before? Or will that get us into trouble? Chances are, Kenna and I were the last people to see her alive.

  That's never a good thing. What if they think the suicide is only a stage? Killers fake suicides all the time in hopes of not getting caught.

  Then another thought strikes me. It might be a little far-fetched, but at the same time, it doesn't seem unlikely.

  What if Caroline contacted Merle after we left? Did they argue? Would he have threatened her? Killed her, even? Said something to make her feel guilty enough to end her own life?

  Or was it simply us showing up that for whatever reason made her think that was her only option?

  I turn off my phone's screen and lie down. If we don't say anything, nobody will ever know we were there. There isn't a link between us and Caroline.

  Unless they check her messages and see that I wanted answers from her.

  But still, could they prove we'd actually been there? Not that it should matter—Kenna and I hadn't done anything wrong. We'd just stopped by her estranged mom's place for some answers. That's not a crime.

  I need to find out more about the note. Thumbs fumbling, I find her profile page. It's filled with goodbye messages from friends and family. She either had a lot of loved ones, or everyone who vaguely knew her wanted to let it be known that they cared about the dead woman.

  If anyone knew more than was released by the news, they weren't posting about it on Caroline's profile page.

  Knock, knock!

  I flip over and groan, trying to pull myself out of the sleep fog. I can't remember falling asleep, but clearly I did.

  Knock, knock, knock!

  "Hold on!" I roll out of bed, pull on some shorts, then push my bangs out of my eyes before opening the door.

  Sutton stands there in her pajamas, her curly hair frizzy and sticking out a foot from her face.

  "What's the emergency?"

  "Poppy just texted me. People are now posting new stuff about Kenna. It's worse."

  My stomach lurches. "What is it?" I know, but I can't bring myself to say it on the off-chance that it's something else.

  She bites her lower lip and takes a deep breath. "Now they're saying her mom killed herself because she was ashamed to have Kenna as a daughter."

  "I'm going to kill Tiana!" I push past my sister and storm toward the stairs. "She's going to regret ever messing with anyone I care about."

  Sutton grabs my arms. "Don't, Rogan! You're already covered in bruises."

  I spin around and glare at her. "Not half as bad as Lat
he. Let go of me!"

  "Don't get yourself hurt!"

  Kenna's door opens. She steps into the hallway, rubbing her eyes. "What's going on?"

  Sutton and I exchange a worried glance.

  "What?" Kenna stares at me.

  I reach for her, but she steps back.

  "Tell me what's going on. Is it worse than that picture?"

  My stomach lurches, threatening to bring back last night's popcorn and watermelon soda. "You'd better sit."

  Kenna looks back and forth between me and Sutton, her face paling. "Nude photos?"

  I shake my head. "There aren't any more pictures."

  "Then what is it? Tell me!"

  Sutton gestures toward Kenna's room. "He's right. You should sit."

  Kenna covers her mouth, and I wrap my arm around her. We all go in and sit on her bed. My mom can kick us out of the house if she's that heartless, but given the circumstances, I can't see her doing that.

  "You have to tell me." Kenna's so pale, she looks like she could pass out.

  I pull her close. "I don't know how to tell you, except to just say it."

  "Tell me!"

  "Your mom died."

  Kenna stiffens in my arms. "What happened?"

  Sutton and I exchange another glance before I speak. "She committed suicide." I don't have the heart to say how. Somehow, it just seems too cruel.

  Kenna shakes. "When? How?"

  I run my hands over her hair. "Kenna, just—"

  "When did she do it? Right after we left?"

  "They haven't determined time of death, not that they're saying. But it was between then and yesterday afternoon."

  She presses her face against my chest, her tears falling on my skin. "It's all my fault. Everything is! I never should've gone there."

  "You didn't do this. She did."

  "Because I visited! If I hadn't stopped by, she'd still be alive."

  I throw Sutton a look for help.

  She puts a hand on Kenna's back. "If anyone's to blame, it's Rogan. He convinced you to go over there, right?"

  I glare at my sister. "Thanks."

  Kenna shakes her head. "He was only trying to help."

  "I was. There's something interesting in all of this, though."

  She sits up, narrowing her eyes at me. "Something interesting about my mom's death?"

  "No! That's not how I meant it. She left a note, and I think it was for you."

  Kenna's expression softens. "What?"

  "Her note said it was all a lie."

  "What is?" Kenna's brows knit together.

  "Maybe everything she told us."

  "My mom didn't tell us anything!"

  "What if it only felt that way because everything she said was a lie? If we take what she said and flip it around, maybe we'll find the truth."

  "How are we going to do that?" She frowns. "I wouldn't even know how to do that. Her message has to be for someone else."

  "Well, at least that would make it so you can't blame yourself for this."

  Sutton scoots closer and looks Kenna in the eyes. "What do you think could be a lie?"

  Kenna shrugs. "All we really talked about was my adoption, but we already know my identity is fake. She wouldn't tell me anything that I didn't already know about that. So something about that really isn't news."

  "Is there anyone else you can talk to? One of her friends or something?"

  "I'm not doing that."

  "Why not? What if one of them knows something?"

  I put my arms around Kenna. "You don't have to decide anything right now. Maybe we should go downstairs for some breakfast."

  "I don't know if I can eat anything."

  "Will you try? For me?"

  She looks at me for a moment. "I'll try, for you."

  Rogan

  While Sutton and I eat the soufflés, Kenna barely picks at her food. I've never felt more helpless, not even with Flaming Combustion falling apart. At least then, I could do something. Now, there's nothing I can do, and I'm beginning to feel like this is partly my fault.

  No, I didn't make Caroline hang herself, but she did do it not long after we left. It's too much to be a coincidence.

  Maybe going through her profile page and weeding out those who were close to her, we can find someone to talk to. Someone who would know something about what set this off.

  Part of me wants to march over to Merle and beat the answer out of him, but that won't do any good. He's a weasel, and he isn't going to say more than he already has.

  Sutton sets her coffee mug down. "There's a party at the beach tonight. Could be the perfect distraction from everything going wrong."

  Kenna just frowns. She looks like she wants to say something, but doesn't have the energy.

  I reach over and put my hand on top of hers. "I don't think Kenna wants to deal with another party right now. Probably not until that picture stops circulating."

  Kenna nods.

  "Oh, yeah. Sorry. I wasn't thinking." Sutton sighs. "We could always try to get a picture of Tiana doing something awful. That shouldn't be too hard—she's a rat."

  Kenna just pushes the bacon around her plate.

  "What do you want to do?" I keep my voice as light as possible.

  She shrugs. "Nothing I can do, really."

  "Do you want me to try and find someone who was close to her? Maybe we can get answers that way."

  Kenna finally looks at me. "You think that if she killed herself over this, she actually told anyone about it?"

  "She might have. If I know one thing about people, they're terrible about keeping secrets."

  Sutton scoots closer to Kenna. "We can have some girl time while he looks for her friends. I can call Poppy. I'm sure she'll drop everything to come over."

  Kenna turns to me. "What about your band? Don't you have to practice? Call agents? Pick a name? You don't have time for this."

  I brush some hair away from her face and kiss her cheek. "For you, I do."

  She shakes her head. "I've done enough damage. You should focus on them."

  "Would you stop blaming yourself? It's Tiana's fault, not yours! She's jealous and vindictive. She's the one who slipped something into your drink and posed you like that, and if not her, then Lathe."

  Kenna closes her eyes.

  "All I'm saying is that you've done nothing wrong. Nothing! Do you hear me?"

  She shrugs.

  "What can I do, Kenna?"

  "What can we do?" Sutton asks.

  Kenna looks up, first at Sutton then me. "Nothing. There's nothing we can do. My mom killed herself. My dad doesn't want me. My stepmom and stepbrother are jerks. And all of that is on top of the fact that my real parents are dead, and I can barely remember them. This is my life."

  My heart shatters into a million pieces. "You're forgetting one important thing."

  She sighs. "What?"

  "That Sutton and I are here for you. Poppy and Ashton too. There's nothing you can do to get rid of us. You're not alone. We want to help."

  Miss Alice comes into the room with a tray of mugs, overflowing with whipped cream and sprinkles. "The air in here is heavy enough to cut. I thought some peppermint hot chocolate with sprinkles was in order."

  Sutton puts her hand on Kenna's shoulder. "Miss Alice cares too. She almost never makes these."

  "I do, sweetie." She sets a mug in front of Kenna first, then Sutton and me. She takes my empty plate, then leaves.

  Kenna's the first to pick up her drink. Then all three of us are sipping in silence. Even though it's close to a hundred degrees outside, the minty cocoas are perfect. I just hope Kenna agrees.

  After a minute or two, she glances up at me. Her mouth actually curves up. It's not quite a smile, but I'll take it.

  "You've got whipped cream on your face."

  "If it'll keep you happy, I'll put more on."

  She reaches over and wipes at the corner of my mouth.

  I down the rest of my drink, careful to get as much whipped crea
m on my face as possible.

  Sutton laughs. "Boys never grow up, do they?"

  The corners of Kenna's mouth twitch again, but still no smile. Still, it's better than nothing.

  I leave the mess on my face and lean back against my chair. "What do you want to do today? It's all about you."

  "You really should practice with the band. You've got more new members than not."

  "I told you, you're more important. Do you want to go shooting today? The range should be open."

  She shrugs. "I don't really feel like doing anything."

  "But shooting things is a great way to release stress."

  "So is sunbathing." Sutton pushes her mug away and leans closer to Kenna. "We can go lie in the sun in the backyard where nobody'll bother us."

  "I really don't want to keep you busy from doing what you want. Rogan, go practice with the band. Teach them your new songs. Sutton, go enjoy the beach party. I really just want to crawl back into bed and stay there all day."

  "Then I'll hold you," I say.

  "What about your mom?"

  "She can kick me out if she wants. I'm not leaving you alone today."

  Kenna leans against my shoulder.

  "So, that's it?" Sutton arches a brow. "You're going to stay in bed all day?"

  "Sounds good to me."

  "Okay." Sutton rises and pushes her chair back. "In that case, I'm going to bring in my TV and round up all the chocolate I can find. If we're going to have a pity party, it's going to be grand."

  Kenna opens her mouth.

  "Don't bother trying to change my mind. I'm also calling Poppy to join us. She always has the best chocolate. I think her parents bring it back from Germany or Holland or something." Sutton rushes out of the room, not giving Kenna a chance to protest.

  I turn to her. "Is all that okay? I'll stop her if you want."

  Kenna shakes her head. "No, it sounds nice. Now you can practice with the band. Both Sutton and Poppy will be here with me."

  "I told you, I'm not leaving your side today. Ashton can teach the newbies our songs."

  "Without you singing?"

  "It's actually for the best. They can get the songs down before I add in vocals."

  She looks at me like she doesn't believe me.

  "And if after movies and chocolate, you want to go shoot something, I'll take you."