When Tomorrow Starts Without me Read online

  "We haven't even had the meal yet."

  The waitress arrives again. She drops off a basket of bread slices, each a different color, along with some little cups of butter and oil. She winks at Rogan before leaving.

  "She your girlfriend or something?" I ask.

  "Ana?" He shakes his head with a chuckle. "No, she thinks she'll get a better tip if she flirts."

  "Why?"

  Rogan studies me. "Because that's how it works with most guys. Not me. I don't care about fake flirting."

  "Huh."

  He bores his gaze into me, and again, I get lost studying the colorful flecks in his eyes.

  Finally, he pulls away. "Dig in. I can hear your stomach from here."

  I shake my head. "Whatever." But I grab the first slice of bread and take a small bite even though I just want to stuff the whole thing in my mouth to get rid of the hunger pangs.

  "You in school?" he asks.

  I swallow. "Just graduated. You?"

  "Last year." He dips a piece of bread into one of the cups of oil. It has spices floating in it.

  Curious, I dip a piece of bread in it. It tastes like garlic and something else—Heaven, maybe?

  After a few minutes, all the bread is gone. I think I ate most of it. Rogan is watching me like I'm a puppy behind a store window.

  I need to get the focus off me. "You in college?"

  He shakes his head. "It won't get me where I want to go with my life, so I can't see the point in wasting time or money on it."

  I nod.

  "Are you headed for college?" he asks.

  "Seriously? You know what my plans are. The train."

  "That's honestly your big plan?" He scratches his chin and leans over the table, staring at me.

  I glance to the side, not wanting to get lost in his eyes again, and twist my glass in a circle. "Yeah."

  "Don't you—?"

  Miss Flirty arrives again, this time with our steaming meals. She sets the lobster in front of me.

  The thing still has its shell. Everywhere. How on earth am I supposed to eat that?

  She flirts with Rogan, who I notice doesn't return the favor.

  Finally, she leaves, then he turns to me. "Ready to dig in?"

  Pride almost keeps me from admitting I don't even know how to eat the food in front of me. "Yeah, but I'm not sure how to."

  I cringe, waiting for him to laugh at me and make fun of me.

  He doesn't. "Oh, you haven't had lobster before?"

  "Nope." Not even from a can. My stepmom had bought that on occasion but always said it was too expensive for me to eat.

  Rogan reaches across the table and picks up what appears to be fancy pliers. "It's easy once you get used to it. Watch."

  Two minutes later, I find myself eating lobster. And it's seriously the best thing to have ever found its way on my taste buds.

  Between the lobster and Rogan, I have no other choice but to believe I actually did die and go to Heaven.

  Rogan

  I can't stop staring at Kenna. Everything about her intrigues me. I don't know what it is about her specifically—maybe it's a combination of everything.

  She's gorgeous. Not in the Hollywood plastic-beautiful way that everyone fawns over. There's something so rugged about her that it just grabs my throat and won't let go.

  Then there's the fact that she just doesn't care about anything. Maybe that's what sent her to the tracks. I don't know. Like I said, I just can't figure her out. Was she really going to stay on the train's path, or was she going to jump out of the way in time?

  "Do I have a booger or something?" She wipes at her nose.

  I shake my head, trying not to smile. Does she really not know why I can't stop looking at her?

  "What, then?" Kenna blows her bangs away from her face and pushes the straw around in her glass.

  It's so refreshing to be around a girl who isn't falling over herself trying to impress me. She actually seems kind of annoyed with my existence.

  And that makes me want to figure her out all the more. Her long dark hair falls over her face, and she does nothing to move it. It's like she doesn't want me to look at her.

  How could I not want to? She's a mystery I want to unravel.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, reminding me I don't have time for this.

  I kind of don't care. Yes, I have an important deadline looming over me. People waiting on me.

  But Kenna. There's something about her. I don't just want to figure out what she's all about. I need to know more about her. Why was she playing that dangerous game with the train? Does she really not care about anything, or is it all an act?

  She glances up at me, one eye still covered by her hair. "I should get going."

  Everything in me cries out against that. I tilt my head slightly, not showing my true feelings. "How about some dessert?"

  Her dazzling eye widens. "Dessert?"

  I smile, but it comes out as a playful smirk. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

  Kenna doesn't say anything, and her expression doesn't give me a clue as to what she's thinking.

  This girl is driving me crazy. And I love it. The fact that she isn't acting like something she isn't to try and impress me makes me want to drop my responsibilities until I get her figured out.

  "Better make up your mind. The server is headed our way."

  Kenna's nose wrinkles and she sits up taller. "Yeah, let's have some."

  My phone buzzes again. I press the button to make it stop through my pocket, then scoot toward the edge of the booth. "I've got to answer a call. Why don't you order something for the both of us."

  Her mouth drops open.

  "Pick anything you want." I nod toward the dessert menu and hurry away before she can protest.

  I stand outside the bathrooms and check my missed calls. Sometimes it's nice to be needed, but this isn't one of those times. I press call to the most recent one.

  "Why aren't you answering anyone's calls?" Ashton greets me.

  "Dude, chill. Just carry on without me this once."

  "Without you? How are we going to do that?"

  "You'll be fine."

  "Where are you?"

  I take a deep breath. "Something came up. I'll be there tomorrow, I swear."

  "What came up? You know how important this is."

  "Of course I do! I also know you guys will be fine without me this once. I'll call you soon, okay? If I can, I'll swing by later."

  Ashton grumbles. "Lathe is really getting on my nerves."

  "Tell him to go pound ice. I just got inspiration for like five new songs. Trust me, my time is best spent where I am right now. You guys just practice. Tomorrow, we'll work on the new stuff."

  "Wait. Five new songs? Are you serious?"

  "Yeah. Let me go before the inspiration wanes right out of me."

  "See you tomorrow." The call ends.

  I spin around and head back to the table. Kenna's tapping her fingers on a plate, staring at an enormous piece of cake in front of her. There's an even bigger one at my spot across from her.

  My insides tingle. Five songs? Kenna will probably inspire a dozen. I'll be up all night writing them.

  Kenna

  We stand underneath the eaves of the restaurant. I've never been so full in my life. I can still taste the lobster and the caramel and chocolate cake.

  "So, you want me to drop you off at home?"

  I glance over at his fully-restored nineteen-sixties black Mustang and shake my head.

  "Got somewhere else to be?" He tilts his head.

  "The train tracks." But now I kind of don't want to go. At least not yet. I don't want to admit it, but I'd like to spend more time with Rogan.

  I can't remember the last time anyone was so nice to me.

  He shakes his head. "Not happening."

  "Why?"

  "That would be a waste of the meal I just bought." His eyes are shining like he's trying to hold back a laugh.

  I try to glower
at him but it doesn't work. He's wearing me down. First by saving my life, then by taking me out to such a nice place to eat.

  "Where do you want me to take you that I will actually take you?"

  My mind races. Not home. First of all, I can't let him see the dump I call home—that I used to call home. Secondly, I'm never going back there again.

  "What is it, Kenna?"

  My stomach flip-flops hearing him say my name. "I don't have any plans. You ruined them."

  "Be as mad at me as you want. I've finally done something good with my life."

  I meet his gaze. "You think saving me is a good thing?"

  "Yeah. I've never done anything that really matters."

  "Sorry to disappoint you, but you've only put off the inevitable."

  "Why are you so determined to end your life?"

  I flinch. "That's a loaded question. And I don't feel like telling someone I just met."

  He twists his mouth and studies me again. "I get it."

  "You do?"

  Rogan shrugs. "Well, not the death wish part, but not wanting to open up about things."

  It's my turn to shrug. Awkwardness envelops us, and neither of us speaks.

  He leans against the wall. "So…"

  "So."

  We both laugh.

  Rogan turns to me. "Want to come to my place?"

  Blood drains from my body. What exactly is he asking? If he wants to get me in bed, there's no way that is happening. I don't care how sexy he is. Not happening.

  "My mom just put in a home theater—I'm not joking. It's like a tiny cinema. The fold-up cushion seats and everything. We can stream any movie you want to see. But I have to warn you, my sister'll probably want to join us."

  A mixture of emotions rage through me. First, surprise at how much money Rogan has—although after the restaurant, that shouldn't be a shock. Next, suspicion which is quickly replaced by relief. He didn't mention a bedroom, and his sister would be there. We wouldn't be alone.

  "What do you say?" Rogan removed his beanie and raked his fingers through his hair, letting it fall to his shoulders.

  "Sure. Sounds like fun." It's not like I have anywhere else to be anyway.

  Trains run all day and night. Might as well enjoy a movie with him. Then when I find myself alone again with nowhere to go, I can make my way back to the tracks. They run all the way through town.

  We get into his car, and he drives into the rich part of town. No wonder I'd never seen him before. All the kids who live there go to the private school a few blocks down the road.

  His house is like five times the size of the dilapidated pile of wood I called home until this morning.

  When I left, announcing that I'd never return, I didn't even get a goodbye. Dad was already drunk and high, and my stepmom and stepbrother were glad to see me go—although I'm sure Theo would've liked to have his way with me one last time. That was why I hadn't announced I was moving out until I walked out the door.

  Good riddance.

  If I'd known the train wasn't going to take me out right away, I'd have brought more than just the clothes on my back. But just being away from them is relief enough. If I decide not to return to the tracks—highly unlikely—then I'll figure something out.

  Anything is better than living in that house. I'd stand a better chance on the streets.

  Rogan cuts the engine, bringing my thoughts back to the present. "Any movies you're in the mood for?"

  I don't even know what's new. Between schoolwork and my barista job, I don't have time to keep up with that type of thing. Although now that I've graduated, school isn't something I have to think about anymore. But if I continue on with life, I have to figure out if I'm going to keep my job.

  "Kenna?"

  My stomach tingles at the sound of Rogan saying my name.

  "You pick the movie."

  "What are you into? Chick flicks?"

  I stare at him. "Do I look like I'm into that fluff?"

  He laughs. "You forget, I know nothing about you."

  "You know I have a thing for trains."

  "And you haven't eaten lobster before today."

  I lose myself in his eyes again for a moment before focusing my attention on his hair. It looks so soft. "Given all that, what movie do you think I'd like?"

  He rolls up the cuffs of his flannel shirt. "I want to say an action flick, but you probably don't like guns."

  "Seriously?" I balk. "I could outshoot you any day of the week, pal."

  Rogan throws his head back and laughs. "You think so, huh? Pal?"

  "I don't think. I know."

  "You been to the shooting range?" He taps the steering wheel.

  "No, but I've done plenty of target practice out in the woods."

  "What do you shoot?"

  "Empty cans. Old toys. Whatever." My dad always leaves plenty of empty beer cans, giving me more than ample targets. But when I'm especially pissed at my stepbrother, I steal things from his room to shoot at. And I never miss those. Ever.

  "You're way cooler than most girls."

  I meet his eyes. "You went to Radcliffe?" Since I'd never seen him at school and he obviously comes from money, he had to have gone to our town's only private school.

  He gives me a half-nod.

  "That explains it."

  Rogan opens his mouth to speak, but I'm not done.

  "What were you doing over by the train tracks?"

  He sits up straighter. "Huh?"

  "You live here in this nice house. Why go down there? That's where the homeless live."

  Rogan glances out the window and releases a slow breath. "I like nature."

  "You like nature?"

  "You don't think I do?"

  "Why not go to the lake?"

  He turns back to me. "I prefer the woods."

  "Were you following me?"

  "Hardly."

  "What were you doing, then?"

  He frowns. "You won't tell me anything about yourself, but you want me to tell all about myself?"

  "Fair enough. Let's go see that action flick. The more guns, the better."

  Rogan leans back against the seat and closes his eyes. "I was looking for inspiration."

  "For what?"

  He pinches the top of his nose. "A song."

  "You're a songwriter?"

  "Yeah. Lead singer for a band. I play guitar and drums, too."

  "Really?" I try to hide my intrigue.

  He nods. "We're called Flaming Combustion."

  "Huh. Are you any good?"

  Rogan laughs. "If anyone else asked that, I'd be insulted, but I'm not with you."

  "Probably because you saved my life."

  "No." He leans closer to me, leaving only a couple inches between us. I can smell his woodsy scent. Cologne? Aftershave? "That's not it."

  My breath catches. I hate being this close to guys, but not with Rogan. It makes my blood rush in the most intoxicating way possible. That makes him more dangerous than any other guy alive.

  And I kind of like it.

  Kenna

  Rogan's house is even nicer on the inside. Everything is so clean it sparkles. The entryway is bright and inviting. I smell a mixture of cinnamon and something else.

  Music plays from somewhere, but it's so faint I can't tell what song it is. The beat seems familiar enough, like something I've heard at work.

  I try not to stare, but how can I not? The chandelier overhead glimmers like it's made of diamonds. The long, curving staircase looks like something in a palace. I'm pretty sure the room to our left was bigger than my entire house.

  "Kenna?"

  Rogan's talking to me. His voice sends a wave of shivers down my spine. I try to focus on what he's saying.

  This is starting to become a thing. I don't want a thing.

  He's talking about the movie.

  Rogan leads me down a bright hallway full of pictures of a happy family. He and his sister have been horseback riding, in several sports, and even stood
in front of a pyramid in Egypt.

  What am I doing here? Why does this guy even care about me?

  Am I merely a charity case?

  My stomach twists into a tight knot. That's what it has to be. Rogan probably has a beautiful girlfriend, and she'll think he's even better because he managed to save some poor, pathetic homeless girl from death. Even though I don't feel homeless, that's what I am since I walked away with nothing other than the clothes on my back.

  I can hear my family laughing at me. The sound rolls around in my mind.

  Rogan turns back to me and smiles. "Come on."

  My pulse picks up. What is it that he keeps doing to me? Is this some weird reaction because he pushed me away from the train?

  "You've got a lot of pictures." That was a stupid thing to say.

  He groans. "Yeah, my mom has to get a thousand pictures of everything we do. Sutton's already in there, waiting for us. She's getting everything set up."

  "Sutton?"

  "My sister. I texted her before we left."

  "Right." Had he told me her name already? Also, I hadn't noticed him texting her.

  I'm feeling off. Maybe it's just because I'm in this fancy house, full of lobster and cake. I try to shake off the uneasiness. May as well enjoy it while it lasts—because it won't.

  Rogan turns down the hall, and I follow him. He leads me into the tiniest but also nicest theater I've ever seen.

  A cute girl who looks like a younger female version of Rogan waves to us. "Hi, I'm Sutton."

  I nod. "Kenna."

  "You haven't seen The Wilson Project yet have you?" Sutton turns her attention back to a black box with a bunch of buttons.

  "No." I haven't even heard of it.

  "You're going to love it. I can't wait to see it. It doesn't hit DVD for another week, but we have it!"

  Rogan turns to me and gestures toward the two-dozen plus seats. "Where do you want to sit?"

  I just stare like a fool.

  He grins again. "There isn't a bad seat in the house."

  "Mom made sure of that!" Sutton laughs.

  Crackling sounds from speakers overhead.

  "Stop doing that!" Sutton shakes her fist at the box.

  Rogan walks toward the door. "I'm going to grab some popcorn. Sit wherever you want."

  "Miss Alice is getting it." Sutton steps back just as the huge screen lights up. "There."